i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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