Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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