A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I touched a dick in church today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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