Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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