If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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