Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
