SEEEEXXX PLEASE
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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