I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
