may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
