I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
