The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
