Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
