I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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