So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
