the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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