hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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