Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
