You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My penis needs a shock collar
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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