You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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