So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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