Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Barsexuality is the new black.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Terrible idea I love it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
