when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i think i just lost a toe
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
