On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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