A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
