I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
