So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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