why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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