I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
