her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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