someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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