Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
