Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
