My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
