so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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