She's JV to your varsity
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
