The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
