Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
