I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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