Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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