She is in my trunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
