Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
