I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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