I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.