Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i don't plan on having that self control this summer

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  (732): i don't plan on having that self control this summer http://tfl.nu/15c3
  Replies (8) Good night (2025) Bad night (532)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm that good.

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  (720): Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time. (970): I'm that good. http://tfl.nu/qp5j
  Replies (5) Good night (4180) Bad night (544)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.

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  (404): He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic. http://tfl.nu/a5vi
  Replies (21) Good night (961) Bad night (6668)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.

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  (517): My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance. http://tfl.nu/kmco
  Replies (18) Good night (809) Bad night (4632)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.

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  (706): Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day. http://tfl.nu/8doe
  Replies (17) Good night (7816) Bad night (668)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?

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  (231): At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive? http://tfl.nu/xcbd
  Replies (14) Good night (3653) Bad night (809)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (36) Good night (8922) Bad night (1087)
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  (714): View more from California

  we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.

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  (714): we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career. http://tfl.nu/cw5m
  Replies (18) Good night (791) Bad night (3778)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

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  (480): She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day http://tfl.nu/vsgx
  Replies (4) Good night (3567) Bad night (875)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

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  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6840) Bad night (1346)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover

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  (605): maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover http://tfl.nu/xpyi
  Replies (3) Good night (1442) Bad night (1116)
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  (424): View more from California

  he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety

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  (424): he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety http://tfl.nu/36fw
  Replies (12) Good night (3572) Bad night (875)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.

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  (303): You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them. http://tfl.nu/oqni
  Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (2813)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.

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  (360): Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink. http://tfl.nu/zpxh
  Replies (8) Good night (797) Bad night (1482)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

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  (914): I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis. http://tfl.nu/jvao
  Replies (28) Good night (3996) Bad night (699)

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