if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.