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Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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