just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.