Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
