I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.