I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
