She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
