God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
