Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
