I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
