I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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