this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
