i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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