Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
