I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
