Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
