I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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