who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
