i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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