you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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