You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
