Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
