u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
