called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
