That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
