I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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