dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
