Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
