My boss' voice literally gives me gas
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
