i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
