you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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