The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
