he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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