I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
