I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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