Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
