I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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