I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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