you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
