so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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