I cannot find my penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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