Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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